Over many years I have noticed that a lot of mothers relinquish the authority of Mother and try to be a girl friend to their daughters. When the child is young often she is not disciplined correctly for fear that the child won’t love her any more. There is a laissez-faire attitude that is over lenient with the children, resulting in them being spoiled and over indulged. In an effort to be close to their daughters, some mothers act foolishly, behaving like silly school girls. Not only do they simper and carry on like youngsters, but they often divulge too much personal information about their marriage or share off jokes with them in an effort to be cool or hip.
Another mistake I see is that these insecure mothers often treat their growing daughters as being much older than they are, allowing them to listen in on adult conversations and making them a part of adult functions and occasions. When boys come onto the scene, it is not uncommon for this mother to almost push her into a relationship too early, or to sexualise their daughters at a ridiculously young age.
It is not unheard of to have mothers applying makeup to 8 year olds and dressing them up way beyond their years in a provocative manner. This can be seen in a Christian home as much as any other, especially where the mother herself has issues of insecurity surrounding her mothering. When the daughters end up in trouble, the mothers wring their hands and cry that they didn’t know why it had happened. What has happened? The daughters have gradually lost respect for their mothers and have decided to go their own way…Mother is seen as being shallow and secretly these girls are growing to despise them.
What these girls need is a mother who will act her age and act wisely. They need a mother they can relate to on an adult level: what they don’t need is what a lot of mothers try to be: a girlfriend! Children need their mothers. They need an adult head and hand to guide them through the turbulence of adolescence. At the end of the day, they want a mother they can respect and who won’t show them up as an immature air head.
The mother who brings her personal problems to her young daughter not only weighs her down with unbearable problems, but with knowledge she is not yet ready to take on her young shoulders! The wise mother will seek out her husband, mature Christian women or counselors to discuss personal issues with. She will at all times be a mother. The last thing a young girl needs is a mother who wants to be a girlfriend during her growing years. There will be time after adolescence for being a close girl friend: but be a mother first!
© Glenys Robyn Hicks
My mouth shall speak of wisdom; and the meditation of my heart shall be of understanding. Psalm 49:3