In our last move, when I cleaned our old house prior to handing back the keys to the real estate agent, I was shocked to see how much cat fur had gotten behind the blinds where our cat Snowy had slept in the sun from the window. It was a real eye opener.
There have been many times over the years where Chris would see something on the floor or hanging on a door and he would ask me if I had seen it. I have to be honest and say, no. It seems that I don't actually see a lot of things that need to be done or picked up.
I could make a thousand excuses and say with the amount of medication that I take, it is lucky that I can see at all... or that I am too tired with chronic fatigue and fibro brain fog to focus... or too busy or distracted. And to some degree, it would be the truth. But I feel it is for me a kind of blocking out of responsibilities that really only become realised on a need to attend to urgently basis.
In wanting our new home to be kept nice, I have pondered on my seeming spacing or *vegging* out on some tasks and I have come to the conclusion that it my attitude to my homemaking that creates a literal visual blindness to certain things. With practice over many years, I have become quite good at it.
Now I am not good at many things, but in being good at being blind to things that I should be doing is not a thing I am proud of. So as in all bad things, I have had to repent of my indifferent attitude to my home keeping. And with repentance comes effort to change. It has been hard.
No longer can I hide behind my illness constantly and do nothing but the bare minimum. I have had to pace myself and train myself to *see* things that require my attention. Then I have had to discipline myself to *do* whatever my eyes see needs to be done.
It sounds like a simple thing to do, but anyone who has denied their home keeping responsibilities and who has woken up as it were, needs to change- and that change is difficult. But it is a change that must be made because there is only me to keep our home nice. There is no Fairy Godmother.
I still use Sylvia's Lists on genuine bad days and I still have to count my spoons so I don't burn out, but I do see and *take note* of things that need to be attended to- and I *do* them. Not necessarily at once, but certainly as soon as I know within me that I have the strength and ability to do it. If I am feeling reasonably well, I use FlyLady.
The results have been interesting. There have been many changes which have all been positive. Chris is happier in our home, I am not afraid for people to call, I feel liberated from the anxiety of procrastinating, our home has become organised and stayed clean, and I feel closer to the LORD.
Which seems a funny thing to say, doesn't it? But becoming honest before Him and within yourself is always liberating and healthy and it fosters a closer relationship with Him. I am glad that He has opened my eyes wide.....
By much slothfulness the building decayeth; and through idleness of the hands the house droppeth through. Ecclesiastes 10:18